Alpha´s Desire Page 15

  Eva felt the mood of his words and saw the changes in his body and face. She had an impulse to reach out and cover Jerome’s mouth, to stop him from saying anymore, but she didn’t. She looked at him with limp hands and a quickly beating heart.

  “This is probably a really bad time to tell you this—but, Eva, I—”

  “—wait,” Eva cut in, panicked by what she knew her friend was about to say, “sorry, I just…”

  “I know, you’ve got way too much going on right now to deal with me, but I have to tell you while I have the courage. I care about you. I’ve always cared about you. A lot.” He stared at her face, his eyes moved over her and she felt like his eyes were saying more than his words had been able to.

  Eva opened her mouth.

  “Don’t say anything. Just think about…I shouldn’t have said anything.” Jerome turned back to the sidewalk and continued walking.

  Eva ran to catch up with him.

  “What about Leslie?” It was all she could think of in the moment.

  “What about Leslie? I don’t care about Leslie that way, I think you know that—”

  Did she know that? Had she understood that? Eva had never really thought that Jerome had cared about her.

  “I just… it’s just that my heart… isn’t available right now.” She felt horrible saying it but she also knew that it was true.

  “Ambrose.” He said the name with derision. He looked sick over it. “Sorry, I’m sure he’s a great guy.”

  Eva didn’t want to respond. Ambrose was handsome, he was talented, he was exactly what she wanted, but he wasn’t a great guy in the sense that Jerome meant.

  “He’s not that great,” Eva admitted slowly.

  Jerome shifted his weight as he turned over what Eva had said. “I’ve heard the rumors, about all the women,” Jerome put a hand on Eva’s shoulder then quickly dropped it.

  “Right,” Eva felt her face burn hot. Everyone knew then? Everyone knew that Ambrose hopped from woman to woman? Then they knew something that Eva hadn’t let herself see. Her heart was in a relationship with a man that would never let himself or his heart be in a relationship with her.

  “He isn’t right for you, Eva. You’re…you’re much too good for him. If he can’t see what I see, then he doesn’t deserve you.”

  Eva looked back up at Jerome, “I know.”

  Jerome nodded.

  “For now,” she stepped forward and bumped Jerome with her hip, “let’s just be friends. Now that Bridget is gone I can’t afford to lose your friendship.”

  “You will never lose my friendship.” Jerome patted Eva on the back a few times before moving forward again.

  “Hey! You never gave me your decision…we’re at the end of the block.” She stopped and waited before crossing the empty street.

  “My decision would be…to not make a decision…”

  “But you have to,” she pressed.

  “It’s impossible, I refuse,” he said adamantly.

  She nodded, looked both ways, and crossed the street.

  He was right. It was impossible.

  Chapter Ten

  “You know Luciano, there will be changes, but we’re very excited to hear this on real live voices,” Glenda said to the group in front of her. Eva had been feeling terrible nerves all the day before and all through the morning. Now that she was actually in the first rehearsal her nerves seemed to sliding into a modest fluttering.

  Ambrose had come in and promptly sat himself in middle of a circle surrounded by the prettiest girls in the cast. Eva rolled her eyes then decided that she would not give him the satisfaction of looking over at him. When she looked to the other side of the large room she saw Tessa shooting fierce eyes at the group as well. This made Eva smile the tiniest bit.

  “Good,” Glenda clapped her hands together once and looked to the doors where her husband had just walked in.

  Luciano held up a finger and pointed at Eva. Eva stood and walked toward the door where Luciano promptly left again.

  “So we’ll start with a warm up,” Glenda said. There was the sound of the piano and the movement of bodies and feet, and then the strong solid wall of voices singing through scales.

  “Good morning,” Eva smiled. She tried to think of how far away Ambrose was and how her voice would react to the distance. In that moment Eva understood how difficult her task was truly going to be.

  “How are you doing?” Luciano asked. Eva looked at him surprised. It didn’t seem like his kind of question.

  “Great!” Eva smiled. She immediately began to think of the worst. Had he found out about her voice? Did he know that at any moment she might not be able to sing anymore?

  “Good,” Luciano patted her on the shoulder. “They,” Luciano gestured toward the group warming up, “have all done this before—you’ve got a lot of responsibility my dear. But I believe you can do it.” He squinted his eyes and dipped his head.

  “Thank you.” Eva felt deeply the kindness of his words. The fact, that it was just the sort of thing he rarely, if ever, said made them all the more poignant.

  “Ok then, let’s get to work.” Luciano issued Eva back into the large rehearsal space and Eva joined in immediately with warm ups.

  Eva tried her best to be nice to the other cast members but she felt separated from them. Many of them were friends from other productions and Eva was decidedly an outsider. She understood that she was not only new to them but in their eyes she hadn’t paid her dues to be singing the lead role in a Luciano Costantini production.

  It wasn’t until she began singing that the other people in the cast seemed to notice her.

  With her opening phrases she noticed heads turning, the room fell silent. Ambrose’s robust voice moved in sync with hers and she felt that the room became as entranced by their music as Eva felt.

  The music rose and dipped, Ambrose came in then Eva sang over him. They finished the first act of music to applause by the chorus of singers sitting along the walls, in the chairs, and standing nearby.

  Luciano motioned for the other singers to abate their applause and Eva felt herself blush.

  During their first break, she watched Tessa walk toward Ambrose but he turned to Eva instead.

  “Did you ever find that earring?”

  Ambrose said it with a straight face but Eva could hear the humor hiding beneath his voice.

  “I did, thank you for asking.” She tried not to look at him. He was silent and finally Eva gave in and turned. He was smirking, eyebrows raised. “How do you think it’s going?” She tried to sound light and airy, tried not to show that she cared what his response might be.

  “I think you are more than anyone bargained for,” he smiled.

  Eva felt a pull on her lips, the desire to smile, but she squelched it. Eva’s phone began to buzz from her bag and she dug around, pulling it out. It was her doctor’s office.

  “I just…” She put a finger up to signify that she must take the call then moved out of the rehearsal room as she answered.

  “This is Eva St. Marie,” she answered the phone. As the doctor spoke on the other line Eva felt like a truck had struck her.

  Her fingers shook as she turned off her phone and let it slid back into her bag.

  When she came back from the hall she felt like the room was spinning around her head. She looked for Ambrose. He was talking to Tessa and two other women who were hanging on his every word. Her heart sank.

  She did her best to ignore Ambrose’s flirtations with other women, tried to ignore the flirtations he kept making toward her. What was she supposed to do? She sang her lines and felt all the more that she wasn’t singing for Lucretia, she was singing for herself. Somewhere, somehow, Eva had become Lucretia and now there was no way out but to find her way through the tunnel of this opera and see where it landed her.

  Ambrose didn’t seem to mind or even to notice Eva’s rebuffs from his attentions.

  She let the songs, the music act as her passageway to true em
otion, to the real feelings of her soul. People clustered together at breaks throughout the day and Eva tried to read over her sheet music so she wouldn’t seem quite so alone. Ambrose came over once or twice but Eva found that a group of girls was always just waiting for the right opportunity to carry him away for some errand or another.

  After rehearsal Ambrose made a point to break away and he walked next to Eva.

  “I thought perhaps you should come over tonight, we can sing through the third act.” His voice was playful and Eva was exhausted.

  “I need to be home.” She felt close to tears and she didn’t want to expose them to Ambrose for him to laugh away.

  “Do you think that’s wise?” He stopped and Eva stopped as well.

  Eva looked over his face. Could she ever possibly tell her secret to this man? It was now his secret too, but there was no reason he ever had to know it.

  “We can do one quick rehearsal so we don’t sound completely horrendous tomorrow then I’ll have a car drive you home. You’ll be in your own warm bed before you know it.”

  Eva thought it over. Every part of her wanted to tell him. Every part of her yearned to be near him, to feel his presence close to her.

  “One quick rehearsal,” she heard herself say. It was absurd, a crazy thing to do. What she really needed was to think, to be alone and contemplate her future. But the man in front of her felt so much like her future.

  This time Eva let Ambrose hail a cab. She wasn’t up for the walk.

  She sat in the back in silence, staring out the window and all the time wondering. Wondering what she should do, wondering how much she should say, and wondering what Ambrose’s reaction would be if she did tell all.

  “And how are you this evening, Mr. Leroy?” Ambrose’s doorman seemed very perky as he opened the front door for Eva then Ambrose to walk through.

  “Quite well,” Ambrose smiled at the man, tipping an invisible hat.

  “And with such lovely company, how could you be doing otherwise?” The man looked at Eva and winked. She wondered how many other women he’d said the same words to? How many women had he seen come through here on Ambrose’s arm?

  “So,” Ambrose turned to Eva as they walked into his apartment.

  “Act three?” Eva took off her light jacket and draped it over the couch.

  “Right.”

  Eva walked down the front hall and turned into his music room. She walked to the piano. They were here to sing through the third act together and that was she needed to focus on for the time being.

  Ambrose took the music out of his case and put it on the piano top. “Do you want to play or should I?” He moved his eyes to the piano bench.

  “You.” Eva was certain she would crash her way through the hand written, sometimes erased and rewritten, notes lining the page. She walked back to her bag and took out her water then sprayed the back of her mouth with a bitter throat spray.

  Ambrose sat down on the bench behind her and Eva darted her eyes to the spot on the Persian rug that she’d been avoiding since walking in. The things she had felt on that rug…

  Ambrose plucked out a few notes then put both hands to the keys and began to play. Eva’s mouth dropped open and she turned to look at him. Ambrose played like a concert pianist. His fingers roamed over the keys like he’d known the notes all his life.

  His hands stopped and he looked up, “That’s where you come in.” He smiled.

  “When did you learn to play like that?” Eva couldn’t keep the surprise out of her voice.

  “I’ve been around for a very long time and music is my life.” Ambrose returned his eyes to the music and began to play again. Eva stopped him.

  “You met my parents, didn’t you?” Eva watched Ambrose’s eyes look up from their spot on the music.

  He pursed his lips, then said thoughtfully, “I did.”

  Eva took a moment to digest this information. He’d met her parents. Of course he had, he’d been around for a “long time” as he said. He masterful at what he did and Eva knew of only one way to be so incredibly good.

  “Not many times, but I sang with your mother in Prague. Your father was a funny man, he had a great sense of humor. Your mother was one of the most elegant women I’ve ever met—lovely. They were devoted to each other in a way I’ve never seen before or since. I’m sure they were devoted to you when you were born too.” His fingers found a few keys and a soft, light melody played into the room.

  “No one has ever called my father ‘funny,’” Eva said softly.

  “People saw him only for his musical genius, but I think he was a really warm man as well. They were good people. The best of people.”

  Eva brushed the tears from her face. “Maybe one day, you can tell me more about them?”

  Ambrose nodded, “Anytime.”

  He played through his soft melody then sensing Eva was ready, he turned his attention back to his music. He began the same darting notes and this time Eva let herself fall into it, she moved closer so she could see the words. Then she began to sing.

  Her voice rose in his apartment. The room was large and the music bounced off the walls and fell back on her ears. Ambrose came in with a large breath and let his voice rise to meet hers.

  Tears came to her eyes. This was what she wanted. This, more than anything else in the world.

  Ambrose looked up from the music and stopped playing. “You’re crying.”

  “It’s just so beautiful.” She pushed her fingers across her face. Ambrose reached up and held her wrist. He pulled her down to the bench, their bodies turned in opposite directions but their faces lining up.

  “You’re so beautiful.” He moved his fingers over her face. His lips found her cheek and he kissed away her tears.

  Eva felt something inside herself give way to the man in front of her. She lifted her face to him. Her lips met his.

  His fingers slid along her back, expertly roaming her body, pushing under her clothes. Eva arched her back. Her body was calling for him, asking for him.

  “Tell me,” She said looking up at him. “I need to understand. If I did this—if I let you bring into the darkness, then what would happen?”

  Ambrose looked at her for a long time. “You would change, you would become one of us. You would live forever in this world but you would never again be of this world. There is no going back once you’ve decided.”

  “I could sing forever?” Eva asked. Just the sound of it was like an abundant gift.

  Eva dipped her head back and held Ambrose’s head with her hand. She guided his mouth down her face to the open patch of exposed neck. His lips grazed her skin. He pulled back.

  “What are you asking for?” he whispered.

  “Everything, I want everything.” She looked in his face, into his eyes. “You want to give me everything, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” a light flickered behind Ambrose’s eyes.

  “And…” she hesitated.

  Ambrose paused, “…And?”

  “And you would be with me? You would… what about Tessa…Celine, the others?” She could hear the uncertainty in her voice. She was uncertain. She understood what she wanted from him, but she wasn’t certain that “everything” would mean the same thing to him.

  Ambrose stiffened. He pulled back further from her.

  “No one else is here but you and me.” His voice was growing hard and Eva could feel him pulling away from her.

  Eva stood. She didn’t want to be the kind of woman that clings, who demanded things of a man, she hated that he made her feel that way. But she didn’t want to share him either. She wasn’t sure she was capable of sharing him. If she said yes to this then she felt sure she would be saying yes to a life of angst. She would constantly be wondering where Ambrose was and who Ambrose was with.

  Eva stood up. “I should go. I need to go.” Eva grabbed up her bag. “I need to think.”

  Ambrose didn’t stop her. He didn’t stand and protest. He didn’t make the promises she so
desperately wanted to hear. He was silent.

  Chapter Eleven

  Eva went to rehearsals. She worked hard everyday and everyday she was left with the knowledge that a choice was coming. Her secret was growing inside of her and opening night was growing closer.

  Luciano’s moods began to swing from one extreme to the other and sometimes back and forth within the same day.

  Jerome had called a few times but she’d been too busy and preoccupied to call him back. She’d told no one her secret and Bridget seemed so far away to give any real help.

  Every night Eva had a hard time getting to sleep—her thoughts roamed freely and gave her little peace.

  Ambrose seemed to have given up his flirtations and he pushed all his energies into the new music. She could read his seriousness on his face and this made Eva only more attracted to him.

  “Let’s take the first ending,” Luciano called from off stage. As the opening night grew closer the rehearsals had been moved from the large room onto the opera house stage.

  The orchestra was rehearsing with them today and the sound was so impressive that Eva was certain no opera had ever sounded so stunning or could ever again.

  “Glenda just told me that the entire run of the opera is sold out,” Ambrose walked out to meet Eva on stage.

  “That’s…incredible.” Eva instinctively put a hand to her stomach.

  “I wanted to talk to you about…everything we were—” Ambrose was quickly cut off by the upsurge of the orchestra.

  The music lifted to them and Eva was thankful for it. She wasn’t sure how to handle Ambrose anymore. Her heart was so thinly covered and she felt so incredibly vulnerable that every time she saw him she felt weak.

  Ambrose opened his mouth and his opening phrases filled the theater. Eva watched, mesmerized by the man in front of her.

  When their scene finished she walked off stage and took a shaky breath. Her phone buzzed.

  “Bridget!” Eva smiled as she answered her friend’s call.

  “Hello gorgeous,” Bridget said from the other end.

  Eva let out a long held breath. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed her friend.